October 2009

9.5 months

I can't believe it's been nine months since I pushed my baby out in the middle of my living room. I wanted to write down some of Elliana's milestones before I forget them, because sadly I've already forgotten when AnnaLeah met half of her milestones.

Elliana started rolling over at 3 months. I left her at my mom's house when I ran home to get a diaper and my mom decided to put her on a blanket for tummy time. (I'm not going to deny the fact that the baby was attatched to me 24/7, I never put her down and rarely let DH or anyone else hold her longer than a few moments. After having baby in the NICU the first time around, I am such a mama bear and don't like putting down my baby bear.) I got back to my moms house (about 1 minute had passed) and my mom announced my baby could roll over. I decided to try tummy time again with her later that evening and much to my pleasure, she rolled over again... by her 4 month check up she was rolling both tummy to back and back to tummy. From then on she rolled to get places, she was no longer content to be in my arms all day, she wanted to roll around. She'd roll to find toys, roll to get the dog, roll to find me. Then one day around 6 months old I guess all that rolling was making her dizzy, because she quit rolling and did the army crawl although at first it looked more like a walrus or sea lion. By 7 months she was doing a full blown baby crawl and learing how to pull herself up, then at 8 months she was cruising furniture. Here she is 9 months old, she walks readily with a push toy, and even uses things such as her high chair, or a small chair as a walker. I'm hopeing she waits it out a little while longer. I'm in no hurry to have a toddler, she keeps me on my toes as it is, I don't need to add the speed of walking followed closely by running.

Elliana popped her first tooth the second week of october and her second tooth two weeks later.

She is growing by leaps and bounds and a very determined little girl. Ella is a joy most of the time, because most of the time she gets her way, but she is very vocal when she is upset, or things don't go the way she wants. She has no problem pitching a huge screaming fit if her big sister goes in a different room, or if she thinks she is going to sneak outside, only to find that the door is in fact shut and she can't go outside. She loves being naked and she loves playing with bowls full of water.

Happy Birthday!

We finally had the baby tuesday, My first birth since having Elliana. I was dreading it because Elliana is pretty much exclusively breastfed. I had to leave the hospital to go home and nurse every four hours, but all was well.
Healthy baby boy was born after 12 hours of labor, what an honor to be a part of such awesomeness! I'll write more later, after talking with Mama.
I was so relieved that I didn't have to fret anymore and I swore I wouldn't attend another birth until my nursling is older Then today I was approached be a couple from church, they asked me if I would be their doula.... how could I possibly say no to them? So here we go again. I have until October to stress out and worry about how my baby is going to get fed while I'm off doulaing...

I've been a mom

I've been a mom for four years! My first born turned four today! I am amazed at how much she has grown in four years! AnnaLeah lights up my world, I adore her, she is the funniest, smartest, prettiest kid I know!
Today in the midst of all the festivities I was remembering my cesarean section and the events that led up to it. I remember being at work all morning in labor, I remember the realization that something was not okay, I remember the drive to my mom's house, I remember the intense sensations of back labor, I remember pacing back and fourth during transition and crouching to my knees at the peek of every contraction. I remember the look in the doctor's eyes when he announced I was "complete with bulging membranes". I remember the rushing of the nurses to equip the small office for a precip preemie. I remember how when the ambulance got there I couldn't care less that I was being carried out on a stretcher naked below the belt. I remember the smell and touch of a grandpa as the almost retired OB held my hand in his and encouraged me to breath through the contractions. I remember being wheeled directly to the O.R. from the ambulance. I remember the anesthesiologist waiting for one more contraction to pass before putting my spinal block in, I was lying on my side and decided it would be safe to push just this once, after all, I was in the O.R.. I remember telling the O.B. as he began cutting me that I was planning on doing a belly cast, and belly pictures, and that I was going to try for a natural birth. I remember being so high that when my mom walked in I nodded toward the huge light and said "ma, it's like seeing Jesus" (must've scared the hell out of her). I remember seeing the team working on her, all I could see was a limp leg between their shuffling bodies and they whisked her away. I remember I was so unprepared and high that I couldn't care less, I thought she was perfect. I remember being in recovery and my husband finally making it to the hospital. I remember then signing the consent forms and being changed into the hospital gown. I remember being wheeled down in my bed to see my daughter for the first time in the NICU. She was 3lbs and one ounce of heaven. I remember the day I held her for the first time, and the day I left the hospital for the first time without my child. I remember we had a guest speaker at church and I went, I cried the entire service, then went back to say goodnight to my baby. I remember the intense emotions of that first month in the NICU.
That day changed my life. Not only did it make me a mom, it made me the person I am today. I strongly believe I *could have* birthed her even as a breach, vaginally. I also strongly believe that the c/s was such a defining moment of my life.
We had a lovely party with family on Saturday to celebrate, it was so much fun! Then today we had a few buddies over to play for a few hours and have some cake. I let AnnaLeah pick a special restaurant for dinner, she chose McGoggles (aka McDonalds). I would have preferred something slightly healthier, but it is her birthday!
This is the first year I didn't cry, I did get a little teary though. It is really hard for me that she is growing up, four seems so big!

AnnaLeah with her Barbie cake.

A bad pic of all of us, but it's the whole Fam.

AnnaLeah and her buddies ended up in dresses

the pool party

They spent hours jumping in off the edge!

again in the dresses

her chocolate cake!

Guess what I saw...

I am stoked, I got to see my cervix today :)
Yup, I did. It was pretty awesome.
I've seen pictures of cervices before. I think about them daily. I feel my own frequently (FAM). I have never seen my own until today.
I was having my anual exam/pap because I didn't have one at my 6 week pp visit with my homebirth midwife. (I figured why pay out of pocket for my midwife, when my insurance will cover someone else?) So anyway, I found a hospital based midwife that my insurance does cover, and had a nice appt with her. We chatted a bit and she did my pap, while she was doing that she asked if I would like to see my cervix. I of course said "heck yeah I want to see it! I've never seen it before!" so she pulled out a mirror and said that she thinks "every woman should be able to see their own cervix". I totally agree with her. Next time your getting your exam, I would recommend asking your midwife (or doctor if that's how you roll) if you can check it out. I was just bummed that DH wasn't there, he would have liked to see it too.
The whole visit went well, and she had a pleasant personality. I liked that the only light was a small lamp and her exam light. I imagine she keeps the main light off so you feel more relaxed while you "assume the position". Laying on a table with your feet in stirrups while someone you don't really know inserts things into your sensitive area can be daunting for some women, and the dim lights might make them more relaxed.
I could have done my own breast exam though. She didn't hurt me in any way, but I had my nursling with me, and was leaking milk all over my gown... I am sure the midwife has dealt with every bodily fluid imaginable, but still, I prefer when other women don't have to deal with my oversupply issues.
As much as I enjoyed the visit (am I the only one that enjoys their annual ?), it reminded me of how happy I am that I had a homebirth. I much prefer the relationship and care of a homebirth midwife. This was second best though, and I walked away happy after seeing my pretty pink cervix.
btw, for anyone that hasn't seen what a cervix looks like, I direct you to MY BEAUTIFUL CERVIX, it shows the cervix during a full cycle, and is fantastic... almost as fantastic as seeing your own :)

Why would you tell a stranger this?!

So, I had a doula baby turn one a few weeks ago and was talking with the dad. Dad works at a car shop and happened to have an OB/GYN as a customer. The OB was complaining that he was missing out on $5,000 because the car wasn't done yet, and he wanted a discount or something stupid. The OB then went on to tell Dad (as he pulled out a huge wad of cash to pay his bill) that he makes $5,000 per cesarean section, mumbled something about it being "major abdominal surgery" and that he has a 90 or 95% c/s rate. I don't know if he was exagerating, to brag about his income, or if it is actually that high, but I am so grossed out by this. I hate it because the pregnant women have no idea, I can almost guarentee that when the Dr is asked about his c/s rate would give the typical answer of "I don't know exactly... when its indicated..."

I hate that the really crappy doctors out there ruin it for all the good ones.

He could have at least kept that information for his Doctor buddies, why did he feel the need to talk to the car guy about it?



I don't get it.

All well, I'm on to better things, like answering my almost 4 year old's question: "How do mommy dolphins push out baby dolphins, when they don't have bodies, they only have tails?"

this is seriously happening!?

I lead you to unneccesarian.