I've been a mom for four years! My first born turned four today! I am amazed at how much she has grown in four years! AnnaLeah lights up my world, I adore her, she is the funniest, smartest, prettiest kid I know!
Today in the midst of all the festivities I was remembering my cesarean section and the events that led up to it. I remember being at work all morning in labor, I remember the realization that something was not okay, I remember the drive to my mom's house, I remember the intense sensations of back labor, I remember pacing back and fourth during transition and crouching to my knees at the peek of every contraction. I remember the look in the doctor's eyes when he announced I was "complete with bulging membranes". I remember the rushing of the nurses to equip the small office for a precip preemie. I remember how when the ambulance got there I couldn't care less that I was being carried out on a stretcher naked below the belt. I remember the smell and touch of a grandpa as the almost retired OB held my hand in his and encouraged me to breath through the contractions. I remember being wheeled directly to the O.R. from the ambulance. I remember the anesthesiologist waiting for one more contraction to pass before putting my spinal block in, I was lying on my side and decided it would be safe to push just this once, after all, I was in the O.R.. I remember telling the O.B. as he began cutting me that I was planning on doing a belly cast, and belly pictures, and that I was going to try for a natural birth. I remember being so high that when my mom walked in I nodded toward the huge light and said "ma, it's like seeing Jesus" (must've scared the hell out of her). I remember seeing the team working on her, all I could see was a limp leg between their shuffling bodies and they whisked her away. I remember I was so unprepared and high that I couldn't care less, I thought she was perfect. I remember being in recovery and my husband finally making it to the hospital. I remember then signing the consent forms and being changed into the hospital gown. I remember being wheeled down in my bed to see my daughter for the first time in the NICU. She was 3lbs and one ounce of heaven. I remember the day I held her for the first time, and the day I left the hospital for the first time without my child. I remember we had a guest speaker at church and I went, I cried the entire service, then went back to say goodnight to my baby. I remember the intense emotions of that first month in the NICU.
That day changed my life. Not only did it make me a mom, it made me the person I am today. I strongly believe I *could have* birthed her even as a breach, vaginally. I also strongly believe that the c/s was such a defining moment of my life.
We had a lovely party with family on Saturday to celebrate, it was so much fun! Then today we had a few buddies over to play for a few hours and have some cake. I let AnnaLeah pick a special restaurant for dinner, she chose McGoggles (aka McDonalds). I would have preferred something slightly healthier, but it is her birthday!
This is the first year I didn't cry, I did get a little teary though. It is really hard for me that she is growing up, four seems so big!
AnnaLeah with her Barbie cake.
A bad pic of all of us, but it's the whole Fam.
AnnaLeah and her buddies ended up in dresses
the pool party
They spent hours jumping in off the edge!
again in the dresses
her chocolate cake!
